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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24123994">LEAVE YOUR LOVE</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bybyony/pseuds/bybyony'>bybyony</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>LEAVE YOUR LOVER [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>JaeMin, M/M, MinJae, changjae - Freeform, soulfighter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:54:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,891</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24123994</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bybyony/pseuds/bybyony</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"We sit in bars and raise our drinks to growing old,<br/>Oh, I'm in love with you and you will never know,<br/>But if I can't have you I'll walk this life alone,<br/>Spare you the rising storms and let the rivers flow...</p><p>You'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain,<br/>Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name..."</p><p>(Sam Smith - Leave Your Lover)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jung Yunho (DBSK)/Kim Jaejoong, Kim Jaejoong/Shim Changmin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>LEAVE YOUR LOVER [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740658</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>*This is un-betaed and written by someone who is not a native English speaker, so forgive me for any mistakes.*</p><p>A/N: As most things I write this is inspired by a song, in  this case "Leave our Lover" by Sam Smith.</p><p>A/N²: I'm hinting on POSSIBLE pairings, but as an unfinished thing it can go in many directions, the only thing I can assure is that this will be focused on Changmin and told mostly based on what he sees and experiences.  </p><p>A/N³: I have been writing this fic for months....maybe a couple years, I have sort of a prologue and some scattered and messy chapters for it. I need some motivation to see what fanfic to continue work on, and as this would be a chaptered fanfic and demand much time, I'm posting this to see if anyone would enjoy reading this or if I should keep it to myself, so if you read, leave a comment with your thoughts, please &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>PROLOGUE</p><p>
  <em>I remember the first time I saw him; I also remember I didn’t like him. He lacked a sense of personal space and personal space was something I valued more than food, and trust me when I tell you, I love food! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I could say I miss the times I didn’t like the guy, because then I wouldn’t be in this situation, but I’m sure I would be lying to myself…once I let him in on my heart to sit there and mess around, setting his feet on my well compartmentalized feelings, taking them all out of their safety lockers, I actually felt disturbingly alive. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He grew on me slowly, but steadily, and no rational thought I could think of was able to block him and keep him far away. First, he was on my mind because he frustrated me and I low-key believed he was mentally unstable and kind of stupid. Then he was there because he intrigued me and I wanted to know if there was some sort of logic in his madness. Soon enough he made me question my own sanity and my sense of reason. My logic started to get blurry, confused and subjective, because I realized he was not one thing or another. It’s not possible to see him in parts, he is everything, he is all at once and there is no way of know where one thing ends and another starts. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> He was so caring while so carefree, so worried while optimistic, so strong in his softness, and so resolute in his messy mind. At first, I wished I was as interesting and odd as he was, then I started to wish I could be in his head just as much as he was in mine, I wanted him to see me, to invade my personal space and be a permanent dweller there. Against all of my good judgement I wanted his intensity, I wanted him there to throw me off my limits, to push my own boundaries. I started craving things I never thought I would ever want, and as if Jaejoong wasn’t already all wrong for me, he was also my best friend’s lover. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. UNFILTERED</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Changmin had a plan for today. He had a week till his next set of exams, and could give himself the luxury of enjoying a bit of his Saturday, sleeping till a bit later than usual that morning, just enough, then he could make himself a fancy brunch, sit by the window and eat quietly, maybe read that book he’s been eager to finish but had no time or energy for, but there was a crack in his plan, Changmin didn’t live alone and his roommate liked to have people over…a lot. Though this specific guest would be there more often than all the others together, enough time to make Changmin feel like he had two roommates.</p><p>His plan went downhill before he could start, because the sunlight was not even reaching his feet yet and he woke up with a loud unintelligible moan and a bed hitting his thin wall and he could feel the bad mood crippling into his skin with every ‘bang’.</p><p>- <em>Fucking rabbits!</em></p><p>Stretching his legs over his sheets and putting a pillow over his head so he could suffocate his own frustration into it, he decided his new plan for the day would be get up, eat and spend the day with his headphones on watching some murder investigation show on TV. Something about that day had made the Buddhist book he wanted to finish not sound as appealing as learning how to get away with murder.</p><p>Fancy brunch became fried eggs and toast with a glass of bottled orange juice when a rich laugh invaded his senses and filled the kitchen. The sound subsiding to give way to only a bright face and an annoying smile.</p><p>
  <em>- Good morning, Changmin!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Hey! Good morning, Changmin. I thought you would be out by this hour…</em>
</p><p>Yunho pointed probably already regretting his loud morning sex with his boyfriend, not that his regret would make Changmin’s mood any better.</p><p>
  <em>- I had a clear schedule this morning, a welcomed break from exams, but uncordially my sleep was interrupted by loud moans and something dense and hard hitting my wall, either a bed or someone’s head, I wouldn’t notice the difference.</em>
</p><p>Regret turned into annoyance in the form of a frown on Yunho’s face, the mug set aside to stare at Changmin.</p><p>
  <em>- Can you please not, we can discuss this later. I’m sorry we woke you up, but there is no need for the insulting tone. </em>
</p><p>For Jaejoong the implied insult didn’t bother him all that much, not from what his face was showing, instead what Changmin saw was amusement and Changmin suddenly felt like a child in the scene.</p><p>
  <em>- It’s ok, Yunho, it’s not a big deal, I would be annoyed too if someone else’s sex session woke me up. </em>
</p><p>Jaejoong ran his hands through his boyfriend’s arms soothing him and while Yunho reached for his coffee mug again and closed his eyes drinking a gup of the hot liquid, Jae looked straight at Changmin.</p><p>
  <em>- I’m sorry Changmin, I’ll try to keep the volume down next time, maybe I can convince Yunho to gag me and have me on the floor.</em>
</p><p>Coffee seemed to have stopped mid-way on Yunho’s throat, making him cough like a dying man while his head tried to wrap itself around the fact he was dating someone who could say this kind of thing in front of a person he wasn’t even close to with a straight face on.</p><p>
  <em>- I guess that mental image ends my appetite for now. </em>
</p><p>Changmin quickly threw away his last piece of toast and washed his plate, without saying an extra word. Not many things in life could take away Changmin’s appetite, but apparently his best friend’s boyfriend had the same effect on him as a crushed cockroach.</p><p>Changmin left as soon as he finished cleaning up and Yunho was sure his younger friend wouldn’t leave the room or talk to him for a while.</p><p>
  <em>- Did you have to say that, Jaejoong?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- I’m not ashamed of having sex.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- I don’t think this is the point, that comment was unnecessary, I don’t want my friend picturing or hearing me having sex with a guy in the next room. How can this kind of thing not make you uncomfortable?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- So, let me see if I get this straight, your problem is not with the fact we woke someone who was tired and needed an extra sleeping time, but with the fact I gave him a mental picture of you fucking a guy with my unfiltered comments and loud moans? There wasn’t exactly hesitation in your voice on my ear this morning telling me to say ‘fuck me harder, Yunho’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- I feel sorry for waking him up, but your comment was uncalled for, you should think more about what you say and who’s listening and what would they think.</em>
</p><p>Jaejoong didn’t give Yunho a reply, he washed his mug, got his bag and went straight out of the door without sparing Yunho a glance. He hated being censored and Yunho hated when people didn’t show they listened to him.</p><p>The weekend didn’t go according to plan for any of them.</p><p>----------------------------</p><p>Changmin woke up Sunday and found a plate on his table, with a note for him that said:</p><p>“<em>Yunho told me a few times you were</em><br/>
<em>struggling with work and uni exams at<br/>
the same time, I’m sorry we spoiled your<br/>
sleep :/. I’m aware that you don’t like me,<br/>
but I made these as a peace offering. </em>“</p><p>Handmade cookies and a thermic bottle of chamomile tea, it was nice, weird, but nice. If Changmin was honest with himself they just accidentally woke him up, nothing that required a formal apology from a guy he barely knows, so that made him a bit sorry, maybe he exaggerated the day before, he wasn’t even sure what exactly got him so annoyed.</p><p>He knocked on Yunho’s door, hoping he wasn’t bothering the lovey dovey couple. But then Yunho came to the door, in a suit, fixing a tie, apparently to go to work. And they forced out a smile for each other, not because there was something to actually laugh about in the moment but simply to assure each other it was all good between them.</p><p>-<em> Hey! Good morning. </em></p><p>
  <em>- Good morning.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Is Jaejoong with you? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- No, he just came earlier and left you something, an apology for waking you up I guess, then he left.</em>
</p><p>Yunho seemed nonchalant about the talk as he struggled with his tie.</p><p>
  <em>- I see…well please tell him I accept his apology and... I’m sorry for overreacting. – Trying not to pry, but curious nonetheless, Changmin asked. - Is everything ok? It’s Sunday, why are you dressed for work?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Maybe you should send him a message and tell that yourself, he doesn’t seem like he wants to talk to me all that much right now, also I don’t have much to do today and it would help if I could get some work done in advance now since it will be a busy week anyway. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Ok, I'll see you later then…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Yeah.</em>
</p><p>The younger felt guilty, like he had a part in this somehow. Yunho was never home, always working, and when he could be home seems like Changmin this time had a part in make him work some more.</p><p>
  <em>- I’m sorry if I caused any trouble, between you two… it was not my intention.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Yeah, it’s ok, you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not your fault. I’ll text you his number, ok. See you later!</em>
</p><p>Changmin wasn’t quite sure what happened or if he was indeed a cause for the couple’s feud, but he still felt sorry somehow. When he got Jaejoong’s number from Yunho he sent out a quick message, if he was honest with himself, he still didn’t like the guy, even with homemade cookies.</p><p>
  <strong>To: Kim Jaejoong</strong><br/>
<em>I got the cookies and tea, thanks.<br/>
Don’t feel guilty, ok, I overreacted a bit.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>To: Changmin (Yunho’s roomy)</strong><br/>
<em>I hope you like it. :D<br/>
You were fair, don’t mind it. (:*)</em>
</p><p>Changmin didn’t reply anymore, deciding this was enough interaction to make up for the previous day. Jaejoong hasn’t sent further messages either which he was thankful for.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. FRIENDLY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Music history was easy, said no one ever. Changmin had to study, but his mind was trailing off to his best friend’s love life. His mind didn’t usually just trail off, he didn’t simply unfocused of something he had to do it, but here he was sighing and holding his head between his hands in frustration.</p><p>He met Yunho on his first year in high school, Yunho was not as built back then, but otherwise not much changed in those 6 years, the older guy just looked more mature nowadays, more serious now. Each year his boyish charm gave place to a more placate and manly image, the carefree and light dreamy eyes still showed up every now and then, just not as frequently. He had a sun-bathed skin of someone who didn’t seem to stay indoors a lot, his hair was a dark golden-brown shade that matched the colors of his almond eyes and Changmin couldn’t recall what he wore back them, but he remembered it was something simple.</p><p>On his first day Yunho had to give him a school tour to all basic classes and offices, he accompanied Changmin through the entire day, let him know of school events and some rules, he was nice enough to even give some tips about a teacher or two. He seemed cheerful, but smart and focused at the same time. The students, staff and teachers they encountered that day all seemed to genuinely like Yunho. He was in the hapkido club, he had fairly good grades, he was class president. Made Changmin think he was indeed model student material.</p><p>On the next day he had to fetch for himself and rush to deliver a paper to the principal’s office, but in his recently transferred student status, he got lost instead and end up in a storage room. He caught Yunho kissing a boy that day in that room. He saw as the cheerful and friendly model student seemed to age 10 years before his eyes and Changmin couldn’t understand why. He knew he was interrupting though, so he gave it a quick apologetic bow and left the room to find the right place.</p><p>After his classes were over that day, he got all his stuff slowly, waiting for everyone to move first so he could just be at his own, but then Yunho showed up at the door after the teacher left, serious face on, gazing low as if he wouldn’t dare look at the youngest in the eyes.</p><p>
  <em>- Can I speak to you for a moment, please?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Yes, sure.</em>
</p><p>Changmin tried to be extra welcoming to lift the mood with a smile, he didn’t know the taller boy much, and he wasn’t much one for forced smiles, but somehow Yunho’s behavior felt unsettling compared to what he saw just 24 hours ago.</p><p>Yunho didn’t seem to catch on the welcoming tone and seemed just as distressed as the first moment he poke his head into the room.</p><p>
  <em>- Can you please don’t speak about what you saw?   </em>
</p><p><em>- Oh… </em>- It downed on Changmin what the problem was, Yunho was afraid and that made the younger’s heart sink, sometimes he forgot the bubble of accepting love he grew up on wasn’t exactly a reflect of the world he lived in general. – <em>It’s ok, Yunho. No one will know from me, I promise, it’s not really a big deal. We are in high school; a lot of people are kissing each other, it’s almost like an extra-curricular class.</em></p><p>Changmin offered a joke, even though he wasn’t really good with them and hoped that would bring Yunho’s cheerful charm back again. The older boy relaxed, but still looked much older than on the first day.</p><p>- <em>I’m sorry you saw that….it wasn’t anything, I was just…curious, I’m not really into guys…I’m not…gay… you know….</em></p><p>
  <em>- You don’t really need to explain to me, really, it’s not a bad thing. You don’t need to label yourself either if you don’t like that, but it’s not a bad thing ok?</em>
</p><p>Changmin suddenly felt older too, having to reassure this guy with the <em>‘gay, it’s ok</em>’ talk. It felt like this conversation should come from someone else, someone older than him, wiser…professional maybe, or just someone who was actually Yunho’s friend. He felt out of place, but he didn’t want to see that internal struggle play in his school mate’s eyes.</p><p>-<em> Do you…Do you like guys?</em></p><p><em>‘How great!</em>’ Changmin thought to himself, now he would have to talk about his own sexuality with someone he met yesterday. He really just wanted to go home, eat and take a good nap or play some games, he didn’t want this, just starting a new school and trying hard to be friendly and open to new people was already more out of his comfortable zone as he thought possible.</p><p>- <em>I…I never really liked…anyone to be honest. I kissed a girl, and a guy too…both ok, but just… ok. I guess if you want a label I think…bisexual is the word. I guess if I were to like someone it wouldn’t matter if it’s a guy or a girl.</em></p><p>Yunho seemed thoughtful for a while, and Changmin couldn’t say if the silence was comfortable or uncomfortable, he just knew his stomach was grueling and he wanted to go home and eat. After a moment of one particularly loud complain of the youngest stomach in the silent room, Yunho’s boyish charm was back, his eyes cheerful and a smile on his face and Changmin felt happy, like he had just put the world into order again.</p><p>-<em> We should go, I see you are hungry. </em>– Yunho said standing up and waiting for Changmin to walk out of school - <em>I know this was awkward and you seem like the quiet type, I’m sorry I bothered you.</em></p><p>-<em> No no, it didn’t bother me. You can consider me a friend. I see you around.</em></p><p>When they parted that day Changmin didn’t know he meant every word.</p><p> </p><p>Yunho took his friend out of his memories munching on some cookies and showering his notes with crumbs.</p><p>
  <em>- What are you thinking staring at the void? </em>
</p><p>- <em>Yah! Can you please say it, not spray it?! You will ruin my notes AND get the house full of ants. I asked you 100 times already not to eat these kinds of things like that...Are these MY cookies?</em></p><p>Changmin had an outraged face on, messing his floor was bad enough, messing his notes was terrible, but stealing HIS food was too much.</p><p>-<em> I just took two, don’t be selfish!</em> – The eldest’s childish expression with his mouth full of cookies almost made Changmin feel like it was high school again. It was scary how much the boy and the man seemed to take turns on his friend’s face.</p><p>- <em>I guess this ‘lightness of being’ means you made up with your annoying boyfriend?</em></p><p>-<em> Can you please don’t call him annoying? Give him a chance Changmin-ah, I’m sure you two would get along, you are more alike than you think!</em></p><p>Something inside the slim music student was twisted, he felt somehow insulted.</p><p>- <em>Alike? Jaejoong and I alike? We are like water and oil, and look Yunho, you are my friend, and so I’ll always respect that and never get in the way, but please don’t push us into friendship, because it REALLY won’t happen. Do you understand me?</em></p><p>- <em>What do you hate so much about him? </em></p><p>
  <em>- He is chaos. You know what I despise the most in life? Chaos! I like my plans, I like my quietness, I like my peace of mind. Order.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- But 2 min ago you were mad at me for making a ‘cookie mess’, we are not much alike either, so why do you like me and hate him?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- It’s different. You are not neat, it’s easy to manage your mess because it’s sort of a ‘material mess’, Yunho. His mess is mental, spiritual if you want, it unsettles me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- That’s harsh…I guess...To be honest I'm not totally sure I understand what you're saying, it sounds a bit too philosofical for my taste.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think he is bad, he is just not compatible in my life.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Yeah, it’s ok. I won’t force you, but keep your heart open ok, you might be surprised.</em>
</p><p>Changmin nodded, Yunho looked a bit sad, like he really wanted his friend to approve Jaejoong, he wanted everyone to approve him and Jaejoong. The youngest realized it could be even worse, because he was lying, he did think Jaejoong was bad, he was bad for Yunho.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. CLUMSY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Exams were over, Changmin did well in all subjects and after today he would have a few weeks off work, life was good.</p><p>Serving ice-cream on a kids’ playground/ice-cream shop facility had his ups and downs. Downs being that he had to wear a ridiculous uniform and deal with children half of his day. The good side was that he got free ice cream and on high winter he had an actual 6 weeks break from work and could enjoy snow by staying in bed, watching it from his window in peace and away from people.</p><p>Everything was going well, a few hours from ending his shift and all smoothly getting into his break, till Jaejoong came into the playground, with a boy, no more than 7 years old, holding his hand.</p><p>- <em>Hi, Changmin!</em></p><p>Changmin gave the older guy and the kid his professional fake smile.</p><p>-<em> Hi! How can I help you?</em></p><p>
  <em>- Hmmm…What do you want Seob?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- I want the biggest one!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Yes, but what flavor?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- What’s to choose from?</em>
</p><p>While Jaejoong read and listed the flavors and they kept discussing what to order, Changmin watched as the line of children and parents behind them stack up. Jaejoong was the kind of costumer he hated the most, the one who can’t make up their mind and have everyone wasting their time creating a chain of impatient children and rude parents he would have to deal with then because apparently choosing an ice-cream flavor was such a complex task. The kid with him was no different which made Changmin think if they were actually related or if Jaejoong was just babysitting and obviously being a bad influence.</p><p>
  <em>- Two large cones, vanilla and chocolate with sprinkles, please. </em>
</p><p>Jaejoong said with a gentle smile while the kid delivered a rude reply to Changmin - Hurry up!</p><p>
  <em>- Yah! Seob, what have I told you about manners? </em>
</p><p>The kid didn’t even listen to Jaejoong and went to sit on one of the tables playing with the blocks scattered for kids to play. While Changmin served the ice-cream on the cone, Jaejoong turned to him to apologize.</p><p>
  <em>- I’m sorry, he is having a rough day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- A rough day? What happened? Did his favorite toy broke or was his favorite cartoon cancelled? </em>
</p><p>Sarcasm coated Changmin’s words and Jaejoong flinched a bit. Changmin thought he might also have spotted some anger in Jaejoong, but he wasn’t sure.</p><p>
  <em>- His parents are divorcing and it’s hard for my sister to explain to him that his asshole of a father doesn’t care about father/son time because it’s his ‘bang the secretary time’ instead, so he is a bit angry with the world.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- I see, sorry about your sister. – Changmin wanted to slap himself in that moment.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Yeah whatever, I’m just trying to distract the kid a bit with ice-cream on a freaking cold day, which is probably a dumb idea.</em>
</p><p>Changmin handled Jaejoong the cones, making sure he put extra ice-cream and sprinkles on the kid’s cone, and added two biscuit eyes to see if it might bright his day, and kind hoped Jaejoong didn’t notice his gesture, the least his friend’s boyfriend liked him the better.</p><p>
  <em>- Have a nice day. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- You too.</em>
</p><p>Jaejoong had a way of making his day hard and then still somehow make him feel guilty about something in the end. He hated that too.</p><p> </p><p>There was something about walking your way home when you knew you would arrive and rest without worrying about the next day, that made the path more beautiful. That was Changmin’s thoughts while he walked to his house after his last shift, the trees had no more flowers or leaves, they seem to be already waiting and giving place to the snow that were schedule for later that day, the wind was chilling and part of him wished he had brought an extra coat, maybe a winter cap for his ears that he could feel were a deep shade of red because of the cold.</p><p>While rubbing his hands together to make some heat for himself, Changmin saw Jaejoong walking with a friend laughing and then tripping on a lose stone in the sidewalk and falling to the ground, ungracefully. Thankfully, he managed to put his hands on the floor first to easy his fall and not get his face on the cement.</p><p>Changmin saw as Jaejoong’s friend laughed loudly of the other’s dumb fall. Jaejoong on the other side was more worried about his jeans and gloves getting ruined then his bleeding knees, but Changmin noticed. What he didn’t noticed was how close to home they were and how the two seemed to be heading there too.</p><p>
  <em>- Oh no, please, why universe…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- CHANGMIN! Hi! – Jaejoong greeted when the taller arrived at his own front door.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Hi. I saw you falling back there, are you okay? – Changmin asked not sure if he was doing for politeness, concern or mockery, he guessed it was a bit of each.</em>
</p><p>Jaejoong laughed a bit embarrassed with his hands covering his mouth and his friend once again burst out laughing.</p><p>
  <em>- I’m ok…. if I’m to be honest, I’m used to.</em>
</p><p><em>- Jaejoong is as clumsy as one can possibly be. As the snow approaches and slippery floors awaits him, we never know if he can make it to the end of winter. </em>– the friend said in a serious tone that contrasted with his mocking sentence.</p><p>- <em>Oh, Changmin, this asshole is Park Yoochun, he is my friend. Yoochun, this is Shim Changmin, he is Yunho’s friend.</em></p><p>- <em>Nice to meet you… </em>- There was a glimmer in Yoochun’s eyes screening Changmin subtly, that amused Jaejoong. Changmin was hard not to notice and he was completely oblivious to it which made him endearing. He was taller than Yunho, had a slim, but fit body, and his eyes and ears were somehow unique and adorable, Jaejoong recalled his boyfriend said his younger friend had ‘<em>bambi eyes</em>’, to which he had to agree now thinking about. What Yoochun couldn’t see yet, was that all that adorableness came with a snark attitude. </p><p>- <em>Nice to meet you, Yoochun-shi… </em></p><p>Suddenly it downed on Changmin why the guy seemed familiar somehow, his eyes got wider and he shook the guy’s hand a bit more enthusiastically.</p><p>– <em>Are you ‘the’ Park Yoochun, senior student, from the music department?</em></p><p>- <em>Well, I am Park Yoochun, and I am a Senior in the music department, on my way to officially be a pianist. </em>– Yoochun was far from being confident in his skills, but seeing the handsome tall guy impressed with him made him feel proud of himself.</p><p>- <em>‘THE Park Yoochun’…interesting.</em> – Jaejoong added amused, which served to bring Changmin back to the realization he deeply disliked his friend’s boyfriend.</p><p> - <em>So…are you waiting for Yunho? I can let you guys wait inside.</em></p><p>-<em> Yes, thank you, that would be nice, I kind need to clean my knees. Yunho told me you would be home and I could start things up.</em></p><p>
  <em>- Start what? – Changmin saw his peaceful night plans of watching the first snow quietly from his window slip through his hands in that moment.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- We are gonna have a small get together...I hope you don’t mind, Yunho said you wouldn’t.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Yeah, I don’t, I just.... it’s a short notice, Yunho didn’t tell me that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- We thought about just a couple hours ago.</em>
</p><p><em>- Of course. </em>– ‘Nothing new under the sun’ Changmin thought to himself while he opened the door for them to come in. He knew it would be a long night.</p><p>Gladly Changmin didn’t have to set them in, offer drinks, or play the hostess, he hated that, Jaejoong was much too comfortable in the house already, which for a change was good for him. If he were to be honest, he would have to admit he was a bit nervous, not quite sure why such an already talented pianist, a prodigy of sorts (despite Yoochun’s reserves) was Jaejoong’s friend.</p><p>The tall student left the room and pick up a first aid kit so Jaejoong could clean his wound, it seemed quite ugly though in any moment the clumsy guy even flinched or complained.</p><p>
  <em>- Here, so you can clean yourself and apply something so it doesn’t get infected.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Oh! Thank you, Changmin. That will help a lot. Don’t mind us, I know you must be tired, but please join us later, I made a cake, it would be hard to bring walking, but a friend of mine will bring it over soon since he has a car, I’m sure you will like it too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Cake? Is it someone’s birthday?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- No, it’s just to celebrate the first snow, I know it sounds silly, but Yunho wanted cake despite me suggesting something warm.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- It’s ok! Cake is good I suppose…anyway I’ll be back soon, I need a shower, I’m covered in syrup. Just knock on the door if you need anything urgent.</em>
</p><p>When Changmin left for his shower, Yoochun finally spoke after just staying quite observing the interaction and then he looked Jaejoong and pat his legs twice with a dead serious expression.</p><p>
  <em>- Jaejoong, he said if we need him we can go knock on his door, right? Cause he is covered in syrup and about to take a shower and I need him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- I would be delighted to see you try and I will even help him hide your dead body after.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Look I will tell you this with all the love in my heart for you and also my great thankfulness, that you pick the wrong guy in this house.</em>
</p><p><em>- Yunho is great! </em>– Jaejoong immediately went defensive and bothered which was unlikely for him to react on a joke.</p><p>-<em> He is okay, Jaejoong. You don’t need to get feisty.</em></p><p>
  <em>- Yeah, talking about feisty, you have no idea how feisty is the tall one!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- The guy who politely ask about your fall without laughing and just a very subtle smug, opened the door for us and gave you a first aid kit?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- You are just smitten cause he called you ‘THE Park Yoochun’….and because he is hot.</em>
</p><p>Yoochun’s face had a goofy smile and he giggled a bit, more to make Jaejoong laugh than anything. - <em>I confess that was pretty nice indeed. And oh God yes, he is hot! Isn’t weird that he doesn’t seem to know?</em></p><p>-<em> Yes… it is.</em></p><p>The sound of the door opening interrupted them, Yunho walked in already pulling the tie out of his neck, his face was weary, and Jaejoong could see he was dead tired and stressed out, but the moment he looked at their direction his face bright up with a smile which made Jaejoong breathe relieved.</p><p>
  <em>- Hey! Sorry I’m late, my dad really didn’t want to let me go.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- It’s ok, we met Changmin on the entry and he let us in. – Jaejoong reassured him with a warm smile.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Hi, Yoochun, I’m glad you could make it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Yes, my exams ended yesterday so I’m totally FREEEEE!</em>
</p><p>Yunho laughed, he liked Yoochun, they didn’t saw each other so often since they were both quite busy people, but the guy had an easiness he enjoyed though he didn’t quite understand. Jaejoong talked about him a lot and held him dear in his life much like Yunho regarded Changmin.</p><p>Yoochun was slightly shorter than Jaejoong, his hair was as black as his boyfriend’s hair and his face was expressive in a weird way. When he laughed he looked like a goofy kid and when he was serious he looked manly and distinct. He was still on his way to major in music, but was already respected as a pianist and was pressured by his mentors and the entire schoolboard cause he had to represent the institution well and on top of it all he was the one supporting his family. The pianist’s dad passed away some years ago and he had a younger brother and a mom he took care of. His easy attitude didn’t match the weight of his responsibilities on Yunho’s point of view.</p><p>
  <em>- So Yoochun, did you meet Changmin?</em>
</p><p><em>- He’s smitten!</em> – Jaejoong stated amusingly before Yoochun could even open his mouth. </p><p>
  <em>- I did, he is…he is gorgeous and have this smart aura around him.</em>
</p><p><em>- See? Absolutely smitten!</em> – Jaejoong laughed out loud filling the room with the sound.</p><p><em>- Is he dating, Yunho?</em> – Yoochun asked curious about Changmin.</p><p>- <em>Not that I’m aware.</em> <em>Changmin doesn’t date a lot, I mean he dated a few people over the years, but no serious relationships, I think he only brought one girl home all these years and still it ended soon enough.</em></p><p>- <em>Oh! but he likes girls then…</em> - Yoochun pointed a bit disappointed.</p><p><em>- He does like women, but he likes men too, but most of all he generally doesn’t like anyone.</em> – Yunho corrected with a smirk.</p><p>-<em> Don’t tell him that, he will see it as challenge and it will irritate Changmin and it will make him hate me more. </em>– Jaejoong added pouting like a child which made both Yunho and Yoochun roll their eyes.</p><p>
  <em>- He doesn’t hate you, like I said he just generally doesn’t like people. He is quiet guy, but he is a great guy. And also, Yoochun has the advantage of being someone who’s work he admires already.</em>
</p><p><em>- You knew that?</em> – Jaejoong asked surprised.</p><p>- <em>Yes, I did, I heard him listening to a classic piece one of these days and I told him it was boring, no offense, Yoochun, and he told me it was ‘THE Park Yoochun’ or something.</em></p><p><em>- You could have told me that! </em>– Yoochun and Jaejoong said in unison.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. ENTICING</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Changmin left the shower thinking he could definitely get on board with a small gathering, if he could maybe talk about music with Yoochun. It was weird for him that someone who looked so flaky like Jaejoong had a friend who was what he could only describe as a genius pianist.</p><p>When he walked into the living room again, wet hair, plain shirt and jeans, both Yoochun and Jaejoong looked at him and he felt measured, but it was the bubbly laugh on their side still resonating as if he didn’t interrupt the conversation who caught his attention. Junsu was a good friend of Yunho, their families close since they were children as Yunho’s dad represented Junsu’s family company. Despite his origins, he was far from a conceited kid with rich parents. He was the shortest in the room in that moment, his hair died in a bright platinum blonde, his whole face engaged in his smile and a sound that was probably funnier than whatever the reason he was laughing about.</p><p>Changmin liked Junsu in a weird way, sometimes he was too much, talked too much and way too fast, he was too outgoing, too sunshine-like for Changmin’s rainy days sort of personality, but the short blonde definitely had a superpower of lighting up the room and the mood of those around him, he was also o easy to tease and always took it as a joke never quite getting upset over small mocking jokes, so his presence was appreciated.</p><p>The tall guy greeted Junsu, who greeted him back between laughs as Yunho walked into the room. A dress shirt and dark jeans to go along with his wet hair. Jaejoong’s eyes trailed from Changmin to Yunho and the youngest could see how adoringly he looked at his best friend. He never claimed he doubted Jaejoong loved Yunho, there was no space for doubts. Jaejoong had something that was entirely his, he carried himself in a way that made it look like he lived in a world that only he could see, even when he seemed open to share it, and yet, it was clear he decided his world would orbit around Yunho.</p><p>Changmin carried a conversation with Yoochun, who he realized had a completely different side from the serious prodigy pianist, he was goofy, and could certainly be held responsible for ninety percent of all loud laughs Junsu gave that night.  The music student decided that his department colleague was a nice addition to that setting and he wouldn’t admit to Yunho, but he could grow fond of having them all around.</p><p>The night was going well, till Junsu invited a couple friends, and those friends brought friends, and then Yoochun invited a couple friends from the music department, and then Yunho decided it would be nice to get some of his classmates to join and before he could prevent, Changmin saw a small gathering becoming a campus party out of campus. Twenty people were scattered in his living room, there were cups everywhere, bad music blasting, people getting drunk, losing balance and spilling drinks everywhere. He decided then it was time for him to drink too, if Yunho put them in this mess he would also have to be the responsible one.</p><p>As Changmin could hold his alcohol well, the same couldn’t be said about Yoochun and Jaejoong. The piano student seemed to get a bit gloomy, overemotional and his talks less goofy and with much less sense than before. Jaejoong on the other hand seemed to lose all his cold exterior and last strand of self-awareness to become an extremely affectionate and carefree guy.</p><p>He was in the middle of the room, not caring at all about being the center of attention, awkwardly swaying to the music. Jaejoong was not exactly a good dancer, but he was undeniably beautiful. His white shirt lifting up dangerously with his jeans hanging a bit too low, and outrageously enough, peeking through every now and then, there was a piercing on his belly button, every time his too tight shirt already too tight around his toned chest lifted up it showed up.  Changmin didn’t want to admit he noticed everything, but he did, he still had eyes after all.</p><p>His trance was interrupted quick enough when Jaejoong tried pulling Yunho to dance with him, hands stretched in front of his boyfriend, pouting, pleading. When Changmin’s eyes trailed to Yunho’s face, the guy looked uncomfortable and annoyed. He knew Yunho liked to dance, actually that was an understatement, Changmin could almost say he was born for it, surely if he wasn’t really close to become a lawyer, he could be a dancer.</p><p>When Yunho danced he was carefree too. Several times Changmin remembered being dragged to clubs and standing on the bar watching his friend getting completely lost to the rhythm, the lawyer in him nowhere to be found, the expectations put on him far from weighting on his shoulders, and yet here he was actually watching his friend refuse an invitation to dance. Not only refuse to dance, but refusing his own boyfriend, a gorgeous guy who he loved. The old man was in Yunho’s face again, the one face he always had when distress took over him, the one that unsettled Changmin so much, that got him looking so much older than he was.</p><p>After what seemed like a long minute, Jaejoong took two steps forward and tried to place his hands on Yunho’s arms, who gently, but firmly put it down and away from him with a mix of reprehension and plead in his eyes to let go. When Changmin looked at Jaejoong again focusing on his eyes, it was weird to see someone so beautiful and carefree a few minutes before become so broken and self-conscious so fast, the music student saw as hands were now passing quickly to fix his own clothes, one hand crossed to hold the other arm, strands of hair hiding part of his face now a bit low, Jaejoong looked like a wore out cardboard version of himself from minutes before.</p><p>Yunho turned to get back to talk to his colleagues, a polite smile on his lips as if nothing happened and the guy in the middle of the living room, between the couches who delimited what was now a small dance floor, was no one important.  Jaejoong walked slowly and quiet to the front door. The weird conversation Junsu and Yoochun were having was lost to Changmin, he went to the kitchen, got two mugs with hot and sweet coffee he made earlier and walked to the door too. Yoochun who appeared too drunk to notice anything watched it all unfold, but stayed talking to Junsu, who was also probably more aware of the mood than he seemed.</p><p>When Changmin passed by the stack of coats, he placed the mugs on the stool by the hanger’s side and put his coat on sure it was snowing and freezing outside. He couldn’t remember which one was Jaejoong’s so he took the one he knew belonged to Yunho after munching for a second if it was a good idea at the moment or not before deciding it was better than to have Jaejoong turning into a popsicle. He placed the coat on one arm and picked up the mugs walking outside slowly, but soundly to not scare or make Jaejoong uncomfortable as if he was dealing with an injured child. Changmin was not sure why he always felt like the grow up one of all situations.</p><p>Jaejoong was sitting on the three steps stairs, a meter of roof separating him from the falling snow and Changmin was right, it was freezing, but the sight was beautiful. Seeing someone approaching, Jaejoong looked to the side without moving his head, and recognizing Changmin he said ‘Hi’, plain and simple, not very inviting to chat, but not rejecting company. Changmin sat by his side, handled him a mug with silly drawings of penguins wearing scarves all around.</p><p>- <em>Hot coffee, it’s freezing here. </em> – Changmin said casually.</p><p>- <em>Thank you…coffee is a good idea… and cute!</em> – Jaejoong gratefully added, eyes on the penguin mug smiling softly.</p><p>- <em>Oh! Here…I got you a coat too.</em> – the youngest added, putting a coat over Jaejoong’s back, who relaxed a bit and inhaled deeply, a familiar scent.</p><p>- <em>Yunho’s coat…</em> - the oldest said almost whispering, sadness in his voice.</p><p>- <em>Yeah. I didn’t know which one was yours so…</em></p><p>- <em>It’s ok, thank you very much, it’s very kind of you.</em> - this time Jaejoong’s eyes were fully on Changmin’s face, the attention almost making him uncomfortable as Jaejoong didn’t just look at his direction as most people did, he looked straight into his eyes, scanning inside him for answers to unknown questions.</p><p>- <em>I’m not a damsel in distress.</em> – Jaejoong stated defensive, looking at the snow once again, taking a sippy of his coffee.</p><p>-<em> I never said you were. </em></p><p>
  <em>- Then why are you here? </em>
</p><p>- <em>I thought it was weird that a ‘small gathering to celebrate the first day of snow’, didn’t involved watching the snow fall and saw this as an opportunity.</em> –  Changmin smirked, eyes on Jaejoong, enough to see an amused smile greeting his face, deciding he liked that.</p><p>- <em>I’m sorry, I honestly had a small gathering in mind.</em> – Jaejoong confessed, eyebrows raised nodding his head, as if surprised with his own statement.</p><p>- <em>I know. You were the only one who didn’t invite extra guests.</em> – Changmin pointed, gratefully. – <em>Which is funny, I guess, you strike me as the one who likes to party the most. </em></p><p>- <em>Sometimes… not always. I keep my words too. You seem to assume a lot about me.</em> – Jaejoong stated not really accusing, but curious.</p><p>- <em>I’m good at reading people.</em> – Changmin put simply as if reading people was an exact science he had mastered.</p><p>- <em>Maybe because you are used to obvious people.</em> – the oldest one added to crack holes in Changmin’s methods.</p><p>- <em>Aren’t you too full of yourself? </em>– the tall one asked, promptly regretting sounding rude, holding his mug with both hands to gulp nervously.</p><p>Jaejoong smiled big this time, teeth showing, fully amused by the question to the youngest surprise.</p><p>
  <em>- I said I’m not obvious, not that I’m better, but it’s nice you see unexpected as a quality.</em>
</p><p>Changmin looked up from drinking his coffee, shaking his head in denial.</p><p>
  <em>- I don’t like the unexpected…at all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- You don’t like abrupt changes and unexpected situations you aren’t prepared for, but you do like to see more dimensions in people, don’t you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Why are we talking about me? Don’t you want to talk about what happened inside?</em>
</p><p>Defensive. Again. Changmin didn’t like to have himself on the spot, feeling scanned and bared, but he knew it was low of him to turn the table like this, making Jaejoong’s eyes heavy once again.</p><p>-<em> Ok then. Was I doing something wrong in there? Did I drink too much that I lost the concept of social limits?</em> – Jaejoong looked straight at Changmin again, real, focused, uncomfortable.</p><p>Changmin wondered how was it that being about Jaejoong he was still the one at the spot. He thought for a moment, eyes on the falling snow now covering almost all of the grass in front of the house, very far he could see two silhouettes dancing together in the snow, friends or a couple, he couldn’t tell. Then he set his mind and decided he had to look at Jaejoong too, in total honesty to reply.</p><p>
  <em>- You actually did nothing wrong.</em>
</p><p>He knew what he was saying was right, but there was still a small side of his brain who wondered if he shouldn’t have just stood by his best friend’s side, this was a dangerous territory to put himself on, there was surely some sort of bro code he was breaking by siding with Jaejoong.</p><p><em>- Thank you… Then why is it still like this? </em>– Jaejoong asked, more rhetorically than anything. He actually didn’t expect Changmin to give him an enlighting answer as he thought things over hundreds of times himself.</p><p>
  <em>- Yunho gets too serious very often, he is too aware of everyone. And you…</em>
</p><p>After a moment of silence, Jaejoong wasn’t surprised, he knew Yunho, what Changmin was saying was no news, but he wasn’t sure if there was an end to that sentence and he was curious, what about him?</p><p>
  <em>- And I? Too reckless? Unaware? Flamboyant? Though I hate this word.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- You are too yourself. – Changmin said as a matter of fact.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Who else am I supposed to be? </em>
</p><p>- <em>No one, you can only be yourself I suppose. Maybe…it would probably be easier if you weren’t so easy to look at, I guess? I don’t actually think you seek attention all this much, it’s just that you are enticing.</em> – Changmin said absentmindly as if he was talking to himself and only in his head, to realize much too late he called his best friend’s boyfriend ‘enticing’.</p><p>While wondering if the snow was deep enough for him to dig a hole and bury himself in it, Changmin took the last bit of his coffee and he saw the silhouettes now kissing.</p><p>- <em>Do you want to go back inside? Your ears are getting red and your lips are a bit purple. We can add some really gloomy songs to the playlist to chase people off so you can have your home back.</em> – Jaejoong offered.</p><p>- <em>I like this thinking, let’s just stay till you finish your coffee, then we can put th</em>ese clowns off here.</p><p>Thankful for the change of subject and the idea offered, Changmin relaxed his shoulders.</p><p>- <em>Be careful, Changmin, is almost as if we are becoming friends.</em></p><p>Changmin smiled softly, watching the last spot of the yard being covered in snow. They stayed there in silence, just for an extra minute.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. KIND</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After all extras left and only the five guys were back in the living room again, this time surrounded by used cups, a fainted smell of beer, snacks on the floor and even an actual piece of cake half on a napkin and half on the furry rug of the living room that Changmin was making a really strong effort to ignore for now for many reasons.</p><p>The others made a vow to help clean, Yunho noticing the actual mess apologized to Changmin a few times, though the tallest guy felt he shouldn’t be a priority to Yunho’s apologies in that moment.</p><p> The mood in the room was a bit dense, Junsu was doing a lot of the work with Yoochun with the pianist kind of helping kind of goofing around, Jaejoong on the other hand was frantically cleaning as if he had somewhere to go and it was urgent while Yunho circled him helping, but both only spoke words related to tidying it up. If the tension wasn’t so evident it would be as if they were both strangers. If Jaejoong was feeling like he would run from talking to Yunho he was wrong, because snow got much worse than expected and reported and no one was going to leave for a while, if this was the first snow, winter would be worst and longer than he could imagine.</p><p>After an hour of team work the apartment was looking almost as good as it was before the party, Jaejoong was finishing up the dishes and Changmin was kneeling on the floor getting rid of the one piece of cake with frosting on the carpet. He had a cloth damped with water and one with a lavender scented disinfectant. Changmin wished he knew who did this, who was dumb enough to waste a perfect piece of cake and mess up his furry tapestry at the same time, so he could black list this creature forever.</p><p>Since Jaejoong made the cake for five people, even if he made it to have leftover for every one of them it was still a small cake considering the amount of people unexpectedly there and Changmin was a bit sad when people passed from the snacks to the cake he actually was eager to have. After tasting Jaejoong’s home made cookies he was sure the cake would be good too, but he lost his chance or so he thought so.</p><p>-<em> I think we are done, finally!</em> – Jaejoong said actually sounding sort of cheerful, once Changmin placed the lavender cleaner on the cabinet, and washed his hands on the sink.</p><p>- <em>Right, it’s all smelling fresh and clean again. Thanks for helping.</em> – Changmin said sincerely, even if it wasn’t exactly his choice to have everyone over, it was his house and it was nice everyone helped cleaning.</p><p>- <em>Don’t mind it, it was everyone’s fault, RIGHT?</em> – Jaejoong pointed loudly so the three other guys on the couch would get the hint.</p><p>- Y<em>ES! SORRY, CHANGMIN! </em>– they chanted in unison, which made Jaejoong laugh as if he was in front of actual children he was looking out for.</p><p>-<em> Here, I kept this. </em>– Jaejoong said taking a small container from a hidden spot on the fridge to put in front of Changmin on the counter.</p><p>- <em>You saved cake for... me? </em>– Changmin himself now sort of looked like a child too which made Jaejoong even more amused at the whole situation.</p><p>- <em>When everyone attacked, I notice you didn’t get a piece so I kept my piece for you. I don’t actually like sweet stuff all that much, so I don’t care, I tasted everything while I was making it.</em> – Jaejoong stated nonchalant.</p><p>- <em>Thank you! And be careful, Jaejoong, 'is almost as if we are becoming friends'.</em></p><p>On Changmin’s first bite on the cake, enjoying how delicious it tasted and when he was about to tell Jaejoong about it, Yunho appeared behind his boyfriend, placing hands around his small waist, asking in a whisper under his ear if they could talk. Changmin saw as Jaejoong’s emotions played on his eyes, he was sure there was a lot of things going though the guy’s head, but he couldn’t quite sort them all out, like his deck of feelings were more than Changmin’s seemly unexperienced heart could comprehend. Jaejoong nodded slowly and followed Yunho to his bedroom while Changmin stood on the kitchen, his next cake bite tasting a bit more bitter than the previous one.</p><p> </p><p>Changmin opened the curtains so he could watch the snow, it was a heavy snow storm, but from the inside it looked nicer than outside probably felt.</p><p>Junsu fell asleep on a couch and it was quite peaceful watching him sleep, like a childish angel in front of the big window with the snow falling behind. Yunho had put a blanket over him before going to talk with Jaejoong, Yoochun was sitting on the other couch flipping channels on the TV, drinking a cup of coffee to finish sobering up when Changmin sat by his side.    </p><p><em>- You look tired. </em>– Yoochun dropped the remote control between them, some unknow on-going movie on the screen and said looking at Changmin who sighed as if he was holding a breath all day long.</p><p>
  <em>- This day lasted a week, so I’m tired, but you didn’t have to say I look ugly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- I didn’t say you look ugly, I said you look tired.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Let’s be honest, people usually say that when you don’t look your best.</em>
</p><p>- <em>Changmin, even on the worst of days you would still not be even close to looking ugly.</em> – Yoochun complimented in a flirty and amused tone.</p><p>
  <em>- I don’t believe, but thank you. How did you first meet Jaejoong?</em>
</p><p>For Changmin, Yoochun seemed briefly wounded but then he promptly bright up so he decided to ignore it. Meanwhile the piano player knew how to get the gist that when you flirt and they ask you about someone else it’s because they aren’t interested, but at the mention of his best friend it was easy to find the spark on his heart again pretty easily.</p><p>
  <em>- I applied for a recital freshman year in university, they asked me for a portrait to go with my tape and I didn’t have one and I couldn’t afford a nice one either. I was afraid if I went there with an unprofessional looking ‘selfie’ they wouldn’t even hear my tape, I only had till the next day to apply and only a few hours to the end of the day, so I went to the Photography department with five dollars in hand asking the students if they could take my picture.</em>
</p><p><em>- Did you really do that?</em> – Changmin asked laughing of the situation.</p><p>- <em>I did, I really needed to be part of that recital. and after three students laughing at me and one looking extremely confused and running when I asked ‘can you shoot me for five dollars?’, I found Jaejoong and he actually counted the money in his wallet and asked me ‘Can’t you offer me six dollars instead?’. When looking through my pockets I found some coins and got the extra dollar he asked for, it turned out he needed exactly six dollars to pay his rent.</em></p><p>- <em>So, you two bonded over being ‘broke’, basically?</em></p><p>- <em>I thought it was kind of him to charge me only enough that he could pay his rent. After I saw the portrait, I sort of thought he was dumb too…</em></p><p>
  <em>- Why dumb?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Because his work is worth so much more than six dollars. </em>
</p><p>           </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. WARM</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sun was rising and the snow didn’t look so thick anymore. He wanted to ask more to Yoochun about Jaejoong when he was interrupted by the guy walking into the living room, arm on arm with Yunho, tension gone and love in place on his eyes like the incident on the party never happened.</p><p>Changmin didn’t understand, there weren’t screams, he didn’t hear not even a heated discussion. Jaejoong seemed like the guy who would stand on his feet and fight strongly for who he was and what he wanted, but in front of Yunho he seemed meek, almost submissive.</p><p>- <em>Don’t get tangled in this.</em> – Yoochun whispered seriously after subtly leaning closer to Changmin, who didn’t answer, because first, he wasn’t sure what Yoochun meant and he couldn’t ask, and second, because if it was what he imagined he didn’t even want to think about.</p><p>Yoochun got up, said goodbye, thanked the house owners for receiving him and walked to the door. Jaejoong got on the tip of his toes to peck Yunho on the lips before going through the door too. Changmin looked through the window and focused on a water drop on the glass to give them a sense of privacy and spare himself of the scene.</p><p>The house was so clean, it actually looked better than before the party, the chilling wind getting in through the open door made the air fresh. Yunho put a thick blanket over Junsu and let him sleep, he couldn’t drive while drowsy.</p><p>Changmin got in his bedroom, took off his shirt, threw himself on the bed and pulled a blanket over his body, he thought about hundreds of small and big things till he drifted off into a deep sleep.</p><p>- <em>Good afternoon!</em> – Yunho said amused.</p><p>- <em>Is this a judgmental tone?</em> – Changmin questioned clearly not in the mood for talking. He needed a few hours awake to start functioning as a human being.</p><p>- <em>No judgement, just amused that you are waking up almost when we approach sunset.</em></p><p>-<em> It happens when your roommate throws an unannounced party and we clean till dawn.</em></p><p>
  <em>- Hey! I thought we got over this part already.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- I just woke up and you are talking, I’ll make you pay for it for a long time.</em>
</p><p><em>- I’ll shut up now then. </em>– Yunho ended with a smile curving his lips on the side.</p><p>Childish. Changmin thought to himself. Yunho was carrying the fresh and young personality again, it was like an endless dance of masks, it made he think if he really knew Yunho, the real one. He knew the friend, the son, the professional, he wondered who the lover Yunho was.</p><p>The law student was definitely one of the most handsome men Changmin has ever saw. Almond eyes, smooth skin, toned chest and abs, Disney prince hair, beautiful hands and legs and pretty bow-shaped lips. He laughed of his own absurd thought, on how Yunho was actually a bit too handsome and therefore lacked the charm that tends to attract him. Probably, if he mentioned that to anyone else, they would think it was a weird thought process, but for him maybe it explained why when Yunho waltz into the living room in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, his biggest concern is the water falling and staining the wooden floor.</p><p>But his friend was not just physically beautiful, he did everything he set his mind to it with passion and discipline and he was the most filial son one could possibly be. He was hardworking to a fault, smart, serious, but then also playful at times. He wasn’t perfect though, if you asked around, they would say he is. Someone who knew his friend less would have to try hard to look past the facade of sheer perfection Yunho displayed, but Changmin knew him a little too well, Yunho was extremely insecure. The law student was often under the fear of being judged or deemed less for walking an inch out of the line he felt he was supposed to walk on.</p><p>Changmin met Yunho’s parents often when they were at school, they were nice people, a bit stoic, a tad bit conservative for sure. Their house wasn’t exactly a place to feel too comfortable in it, the rules they were all supposed to follow felt tangible, but they were kind and warm in their own way nonetheless. They didn’t look like the kind of people who would hit or disown or send away a kid for choosing a different career, or loving someone from the same sex, but Changmin could be wrong about that, those things happened often in the world, what if his friend’s parents were indeed like that?</p><p>He wondered where the seemly extreme, overwhelming and brutal pressure Yunho faced came from. He was under pressure, the youngest didn’t doubt that, but it also looked like Yunho paid attention to everything bad everyone in the world could possibly think of him and lived strictly to avoid it ever happening so he wouldn't have to deal with anyone seeing him negatively, specially his parents.</p><p>Outside the house they shared Yunho had a shining aura, he was like an example to humankind, easy to admire and hard to connect to. Changmin was used to hear others talking about his best friend as if he was a God among men. The youngest was thankful for knowing the real Yunho, the guy who was messy and hardheaded and kind nonetheless, the guy who was joyful to be around and pushed everyone forward even with his own problems to face, simply human.</p><p>The rest of the afternoon went by as if Changmin’s whole world was made of thinking about his best friend personality and love life. It felt like he lost a full day in sleeping and overthinking things that were not his to think about.</p><p>On Monday, free from class and work still, Changmin woke up just as the Sun was rising, settled into take time for himself and not think about Yunho and his boyfriend.</p><p>The music student entered his bedroom, grabbed a jacket, and a small warm blanket in case the benches were wet, picked up a book laying on his nightstand and put on his shoes to go to the park. Before leaving he made sure to put on a thick scarf and beanie, spend good five minutes trying to fit the blanket, a bag of chips and a book inside his backpack as if the thing was Hermione's beaded handbag. Finally done, he checked if he had his phone with him and then checked twice if he locked the door.</p><p>It was bright and cold, not snowing at all, but the wind was cutting through bones. He passed by the café close by to pick up the largest cup of cappuccino they had to offer and walked there to the park making up stories in his head about the few people he spotted in the streets that morning. Everyone was so quiet and contemplative and they were all lonely in his eyes. He did that out of habit, to write songs it was important to see stories in everything and everyone, but then he wondered if it wasn’t another way of paying attention to other people rather than on himself like he promised to. Sometimes he wondered if maybe he didn’t have a personality of his own to think about, or maybe his life was just a bit dull, or even it was just that being an observer was a big trace of his personality. He lived life as if he was supposed to be the supporting character in everyone else’s history, the  protagonist's sidekick. </p><p>Weather wise, it was a day only dumb tourists and Changmin would dare go into a park, but it was a week day and Changmin was sure there wouldn’t be a soul there besides himself which was exactly why he was going and he was right. The place was quiet, the sun was just up in the sky shining brightly, there was enough snow on the trees and cold shivers running through his body to show winter was pretty much there. He could spot a girl walking alone, with earphones on, but it was the only other person around his eyes could reach. Maybe she was listening to music or just avoiding that a clueless guy in the park would try chatting with her. From her face he could say for sure she was also there for a break, she looked like she was struggling, as if she was trying to finish a mental puzzle with the wrong pieces.</p><p>‘I<em>’m doing it again…</em>’ - Changmin thought to himself, he wondered if someone would look at him and picture the right story of what was going on in his head too. He put the blanket on the bench for comfort and warmth, took the book out, left the chips for later, told himself it was too early for orange food coloring and salt, so he kept the cappuccino, warm and rich and time appropriate.</p><p>The book was a bet Changmin lost, to Junsu, because his mind was busy thinking about Jaejoong. Yoochun had laughed out loud, Changmin didn’t even remember what the riddle was, but he did remember he was mocking people who read teen vampire books when Junsu proposed a challenge, that he accepted, surely thinking he would win, then suddenly crossed his mind the idea that Jaejoong would look good as a vampire in a movie, not a movie like “Twilight”, but surely in a movie like “Interview With the Vampire”.</p><p>Junsu was speaking of this vampire book, his coworker was obsessed with and he was actually curious to read too. Changmin claimed there was nothing to be learned reading “Twilight”, and the shorter guy fought back saying it wasn’t like “Twilight” and that his prejudice was a sign he wasn’t reading enough books at all, which made Changmin feel both insulted and guilty. Maybe the blond guy was right.  </p><p>- <em>Philosophy and sociology books are amazing, but both subjects can be portrayed in all books. </em>– Yoochun pointed wisely, something Changmin would expect from the pianist he saw playing, but not from the goofy guy partying and drinking that night.</p><p>- <em>Yoochun is right, if you can understand and appreciate the symbolism in fiction, then your academic knowledge can probably deepen. </em>– Junsu added as if what he was saying was just common sense and not at all surprising coming from him. Changmin didn’t expect hearing these things from those two, it felt like lately he was making up his mind about people too fast and missing the chance of looking beyond. He was in a party he didn’t plan, with people he didn’t invite, drinking and hearing about literature, symbolism and vampires.</p><p>Changmin lost the bet, so he was in the park with this book with a half-naked guy having his neck kissed in the bright red cover, the "Black Dagger Brotherhood". The music student was sure he was tricked into believing there was depth and symbolism in this erotic vampire book, but he promised to discuss with Junsu and Yoochun about it, and he could just read some review on the internet and pretend he really read, but that wouldn’t be honest of him so here he was.</p><p>The book wasn’t really deep, but before he realized he was in the last pages of it and wondering if there were more books, cause honestly, he was curious about some of these warriors. It was like a bubblegum pop song stuck in your head you can’t stop listening even though you heard those cliché sentences thousands of times before. Changmin was indeed tricked into believing there was some precious lessons to be learn here, it wasn’t as shallow as it could be, but it was simple and entertaining, a hot book, a lot of good-looking people getting laid, drama, traumas and sharp objects. It did not change his life or enlighted him in some great way, but it did what he needed, got himself time to distract and enjoy some time alone.</p><p>He liked the idea of forever in this book, it was such a simplified concept to believe people were somehow fated to each other, that you loved someone, they loved you and you both knew it was forever no matter what. Daggers carving the letters of your significant other in your chest to attest your commitment proudly, because apparently just rings and ‘I love yous’ were too mainstream, like a modern bloody fairytale of sorts. Life wasn’t like that, obviously, but fiction did that, offered you other realities to imagine and get elements from it to improve the actual reality you live.</p><p>They say one day you feel old enough to enjoy ‘fairytales’ again, maybe he had reached that mental age though it wasn't something he would admit in front of another adult. Realistically he knew there wasn’t such a love, if he were to have a person he loved deeply he would make sure to work hard enough to be a forever thing. That was his approach for all kinds of love he knew, his parents, his friends, his music. A commitment to try his very best for the person he loved was his way of carving letters on his chest so he avoided as much as he could.</p><p>No one there was looking for love, that was another thing he enjoyed in the stupid book, their work was their life, love was an unplanned event for the characters, even if it was surely planned to keep up the story going by the author, for the characters love was some shallow convention reserved for the commoners and aristocrats, not for the warriors on duty. Of all the things Changmin was surely to plan in his life, love was surely not a priority and not something he believed he could control, demand or expect in anyway, a blind territory to mathematical logic and something he actually feared. He remembered this guy who made a study entittled 'Why I don't have a girlfriend' where he calculated the chances of meeting the love of his life and came to the realization it was as much of a chance as getting striked by lightining. Changmin was not sure which possibility he would chose. He was green, unexperienced maybe, never saw many places, or felt like straying too far from his original path in life, but caring and attachment was something he knew. There wasn’t much of himself he was sure of except for the fact he felt deeply when he felt, he didn't like being ruled by emotions, if he loved he would hurt and hurt people lose control in a lot of different ways.</p><p>Changmin had thought about love a lot. When he started making songs, he was obsessed with the idea of singing about what he considered meaningful, he wanted to send a message, to speak about society, and all social issues, propose solutions and then had dozen songs criticized by his teachers for being technically good, but soulless. It was suggested by his favorite teacher to write about love. The old man talked about some of the most famous and praised musical masterpieces in history, from classical to pop, from jazz to rock, so many songs Changmin adored and listened to, and they were almost all about love in some way. He realized even when you speak about problems and struggles, love is a human goal, things come from it and to it, good or bad, the lack of it, the excess, the pain, the divine and science in one thing. Everyone had a license to speak about it from every perspective possible.</p><p>Songs about love weren’t shallow, love is just the most popular meaningful thing, cause we all relate to it in one way or another. Changmin liked romance, he just didn’t have the intention of living it. The thought of loving someone beyond reason and more than himself terrified him, he much rather write about it than live it.</p><p>After finishing his bag of chips and not feeling his fingertips anymore with the wind getting colder by the second, Changmin gathered his things and headed home, walking much faster than before, eager for a hot shower and the warmth of his own bedroom. He entered the market to get some ingredients to make a soup for dinner realizing he didn’t have plans for that yet.</p><p>When reaching the front door and trying to balance all his bags and get his key, someone opened the door for him.</p><p>- <em>Jaejoong!</em> – Changmin looked at him surprised for a second, not for Jaejoong being there, he was always there, but for opening the door unexpectedly.</p><p>- <em>I saw you through the window and noticed it would be hard to open the door, sorry for scaring you.</em> – Jaejoong explained with a soft smile. He was wearing Yunho’s dress shirt, it was a bit big on him, some shoulder and chest showing through. but he had a light gray sweaty pants on, which Changmin was thankful for it. His best friend’s boyfriend looked warm, or maybe that was just the house, he wasn’t sure. Just some days ago, every time he looked at Jaejoong he saw a cold and shallow surface, now he looked as soft and warm as the smile he was offering.</p><p>The photographer helped him with the bags and Changmin entered the house taking off his shoes and putting on his slippers, he took off his scarf and beanie and he knew his hair looks messy and his ears and nose were red, because now Jaejoong had this mischievous half smile on his face while looking at him.</p><p>- <em>You look cute...</em> – he mused. - <em>But you must be freezing.</em> – Jaejoong added quickly after so it wouldn’t make Changmin uncomfortable.</p><p>- <em>Where is Yunho?</em> – ignoring Jaejoong’s comment and hoping he wasn’t blushing like a silly school girl Changmin asked suddenly, not much out of really wanting to know, but simply to remind himself of his best friend, nothing good could come from forgetting that.</p><p>- <em>He had a call from work, went running as usual.</em></p><p>Changmin could notice the tone, a certain annoyance for being left once again for something else deemed more important.</p><p>- <em>Yunho works too hard, it was supposed to be a day off.</em></p><p>- <em>No days off for the Jungs right…. Will you cook today?</em> – Jaejoong asked cheerfully dropping quickly the sarcastic tone from seconds before, going through ingredients helping Changmin unpack the grocery bags.</p><p>- <em>Yes, I thought it was good to make a simple soup. Is that too 'old and sick' of me?</em></p><p>- <em>No, I think soups are great… for a cold day that is. Am I invited for dinner?</em></p><p>Changmin looked him in the eye and laughed.</p><p>- <em>You are getting too comfortable around me. I don’t like it.</em></p><p>- <em>I assume that was a ‘yes’? But to be sure, I can offer a deal, you cook today and on Wednesday I can cook in my house for the five, if you feel ok with us getting Junsu and Yoochun there too of course. You can choose the dish.</em> - Jaejoong spoke too fast and then raised an eyebrow, trying not to show too much anticipation for Changmin to accept his offer.</p><p>He was curious about Jaejoong’s work, about his house, he wanted to know more. The cold facade and apparent obnoxious behavior of his friend’s boyfriend was proven to be just a layer of Jaejoong, part of who he was and yet just the surface of it. Then a bit beyond there was warm cookies and caring and an insecurity that sometimes pained Changmin to watch. The music student was sure there was more layers to the aspiring photographer and somehow, he wanted to peel one by one.</p><p>Changmin told himself it was just curiosity, like he had for any interesting person he saw on the street, like a chance of actually seeing if the stories he made up about strangers while observing them were true for once, like flipping pages on a book or watching the next episode to see a favorite character’s development. Whatever he could think of to convince himself he wasn’t playing a really dangerous game.</p><p>- <em>Deal. I’m not sure if this soup will be worth it though. I’m going to take a hot shower, I still can’t feel my toes because of the cold, is it bad if I ask you to peel the potatoes’?</em></p><p>- <em>No, it’s ok, I don’t have anything to do right now, that would be great. Go take your shower, I’ll make sure it’s all organized for the chef.</em></p><p>- <em>Don’t push it, you can’t make me like you.</em> – Changmin added smirking, the irony of it hanging in the air.</p><p>- <em>I just do it to see your ears getting red... Yunho is right, it is endearing.</em></p><p>That was the cue to go take his shower, though he was starting to forget his best friend when Jaejoong was around, Jaejoong never once stopped being the moth to Yunho’s flame.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. SIMPLETON</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Changmin finished cooking, he was pleased with the results, the smell was good and the looks of it promising. They worked well together in the kitchen, Jaejoong knowing well when to offer a hand and when to just stay back and observe intently, trusting Changmin to give his own flavor to the recipe.</p><p>While the assigned chef of the night cut some slices of bread to go with the soup, Jaejoong set the table for them, two plates on because Yunho was still not back home from work and his boyfriend had no idea when he would and to Jaejoong it felt like a foolish and dismal idea looking at a third plate empty.</p><p>On a far too feminine and ancient looking floral tablecloth that they made fun earlier because Yunho’s taste for décor was strikingly different from theirs, a starving Changmin set the soup on top of the table and sat across Jaejoong who looked eager to taste the youngest’s recipe.</p><p>Despite Jaejoong’s coziness, as the host, Changmin still served Jaejoong first and then himself, proper and polite. The setting was not at all romantic and yet it was as comfortably familiar as it could be, safe and warm.</p><p>- <em>Oh my God, it is delicious. I feel the ice inside me breaking.</em> – Jaejoong praised enthusiastically, chewing loudly on a piece of bread soaked in soup even before Changmin himself could lift his own spoon.</p><p>Changmin laughed softly because of the irony of the words and the amusing scene. He felt content and proud and weirdly comfortable with this guy he swore to himself he would never like.</p><p>-<em> Thank you. And thank you for…</em></p><p>- <em>Hello! </em>– Yunho greeted, taking his coat off by the door after getting inside, interrupting Changmin and leaving words hanging on his lips.</p><p>Changmin and Jaejoong exchanged a quick glance, way too fast to be read by each other as anything much and then the later offered promptly:</p><p>- <em>Hi! How was your day? Do you want to have dinner? Changmin cooked and it’s really good!</em></p><p>-<em> I’m ok and no, thank you, I had to attend a company dinner and I ate there.</em> – Yunho replied while scanning Changmin’s face for annoyance. – <em>I didn’t know you were going to stay, sorry I came home late. Are you two okay?</em></p><p>- <em>Yes. Jaejoong helped me cooking and he didn’t annoy me too much, he is finally learning some manners.</em> – Changmin said mocking and Jaejoong entertained back fiercely.</p><p>-<em>Yah! You liked my company; don’t pretend you don’t like me still! </em>- and with a smug face added – <em>Admit that I’m growing on you!</em></p><p>- <em>A growing pain in my ass it’s what you are.</em> – Changmin bickered back smoldering a laugh, when suddenly Jaejoong looked at him with hooded eyes and a wicked smile to make the joke that would ruin the night.</p><p>- <em>Well, I can arrange for a happy ending to this kind of pain.</em> – he winked.</p><p>- <em>JAEJOONG!</em> – Yunho raised his voice in an angry and commanding tone, that made both men at the table flinch.</p><p>- <em>He is joking, Yunho.</em> – Changmin surprised himself a bit with his own firm and warning tone, before gaining his calm posture back and adding more softly. - I’m confused as to why you are mad; we make dirty jokes like that with each other all the time.</p><p>The warmth of the room dissipated as Changmin shifted his look from Yunho to Jaejoong. The photographer had that look again, the same beaten puppy expression he had on the party after Yunho rejected his advances. As if he was wrong and uncomfortable inside his own skin. Changmin hated that look, and he couldn’t understand how Yunho could bring it up and leave it there without an ounce of guilt.</p><p>Jaejoong’s soup was getting colder by the second as his hands set on his on lap like he wished he was anywhere else but sitting there and Changmin felt a fire inside of him being lit that was much different from the balmy pleasant one he had minutes ago.</p><p>-<em> I’m sorry… it was just a long day</em>. – Yunho added in his professional polite tone, that Changmin could read wasn’t exactly remorse, it was just a way of keeping the peace, because of the sense he acted a bit too loud and explosive and not at all simply realizing that he was wrong. The worst of all in the youngest’s eyes it’s that it seemed like an apology for him only and not for Jaejoong whom he actually offended with his warning insinuation.</p><p>- <em>It’s okay... Thank you for the soup, Changmin, it was really good.</em> – Jaejoong replied anyway forcing a smile with a third of his soup still on his plate and a small piece of bread on the corner of it. – <em>I think I’m going home now, it’s getting a bit late and I’ll freeze outside if it starts snowing again.</em></p><p>- <em>You can spend the night, Jae.</em> – Yunho offered, voice softer than before.</p><p>- <em>No. Not today, I have to attend orientation for a photography project tomorrow and it’s early in the morning.</em> – Jaejoong justified sincerely though he honestly didn’t intend to spend the night even if he had nothing to do the next day.</p><p>- <em>Aren’t you on a break too?</em> – curious about Jaejoong’s photography since Yoochun spoke about it, Changmin couldn’t help but try and engage Jaejoong on the subject and see if that helped distracting him from the discomfort.</p><p>- <em>Photography is a lot of practice, trying and making mistakes. I don’t have actual classes this period either, but we have way more projects to participate.</em> – Jaejoong replied with a glim on his eyes, cheering up instantly. - <em>and also, there’s some contests open that teachers encourage us to participate to build portfolio. These contests usually give us feedback from professionals out of the university too so they are important.</em></p><p>Changmin could see he loved what he was studying a lot, there was something really characteristic when someone spoke about things they loved, and seeing a artist musing about their passion was something Changmin couldn’t get tired of watching.</p><p>- <em>That’s cool! I hope I can see some of your work on Wednesday. </em></p><p>- <em>What’s on Wednesday? </em>– Yunho was a bit taken aback because of Changmin and Jaejoong quick bonding, speaking about photography and making plans together. It didn’t make him irritated not a single bit, but confusion was clear in his eyes.</p><p>- <em>I told Changmin I was thinking about inviting Yoochun and Junsu so the five of us could have dinner in my house.</em> – Jaejoong stated with his big doe eyes, a bit insecure wondering if Yunho might not like that.</p><p>- T<em>hat is a nice idea, I’m on board. I’ll text Junsu before sleeping.</em> – Yunho seemed proud that Jaejoong bonded with his friends and happy he could gather them around.</p><p>Changmin watched intently as the convo unfolded, both Jaejoong’s insecurity and Yunho’s reassurance were clear in small gestures of their tone and expressions. It seemed like a relief to Yunho having a group of people where he didn’t have to hide Jaejoong from. He still seemed uncomfortable about making it too obvious they were a couple in any place that not alone in the bedroom though and for some reason that bothered the youngest.</p><p>After Jaejoong left, Yunho took a sit on the kitchen counter while Changmin cleaned the kitchen.</p><p>- <em>I told you you were going to like Jaejoong if you give him a chance.</em> – The childish face and light friendly tone clear to Changmin and yet for the first time the youngest was not at all happy to see it after the scene during dinner.</p><p>- <em>He is nice indeed. </em>– Changmin offered shortly, not in the mood to talk.</p><p>- <em>I’m glad you two are becoming friends, I think he shared a bit more about photography with you than he can with me as I’m completely dense for visual art. Also I wish he could pick up a bit of your discretion.</em> – Yunho shared, not picking up on Changmin’s wish to not talk.</p><p>Knowing he would regret asking, the tall musician shifted his look from the dishes to Yunho.</p><p>-<em> What do you mean by that?</em></p><p>- <em>Jaejoong is a bit too ‘out there’, I love him, but I wish he was more discreet with our personal life… you carry yourself more gracefully, no one would know without you telling if you are into women or men, if you are dating someone or not. Jaejoong otherwise is all for the public display of affection.</em></p><p>Changmin closed the sink’s faucet, the fire inside him building up even more, fists tight trying to choose his words carefully so they would com out stripped from the rage they could carry in this moment.</p><p>- <em>You are my friend, but you don’t know how I am with someone I’m romantically involved, simply for the fact I never fell for someone for real for you to be assuming how I would act in the same situation. And it sounds weird to me to hear you say you love Jaejoong though you wished he was different. </em></p><p>A lot of words Changmin wanted to say he left out, but the ones he picked still got Yunho on defensive mode nonetheless.</p><p>- <em>I don’t want him to be different, I just wished he knew the reality of the world we live in and know how to act proper in some settings.</em></p><p>His friend was the more caring person he knew, Changmin never saw Yunho ever refuse the opportunity to help anyone, to give a hand to all kinds of people in all kinds of tricky situations and with different personalities and origins and whereabouts. He never discriminated or hated anyone. There was a reason other than just family expectation as to why Yunho would make a great lawyer, he was righteous and empathetic, but still there was no other way for Changmin to read into Yunho’s words and actions toward his own relationship as something other than prejudice.  </p><p>- <em>Yunho…I honestly don’t know what to tell you. I think what you want me to say it’s not something you will ever hear from me. I don’t think you are right, but that is not for me to paint to you right now… Here between us, and I say this as your best friend, I think there’s a lot you need to realize about yourself before we can even begin to discuss the reality of the world and what makes someone proper or not in it. </em></p><p>Changmin left the kitchen without waiting for Yunho to say anything, and the law student didn’t really try. Each day the musician grew fonder of Jaejoong and exponentially worried more about his relationship with his best friend. The more he observed the more it looked like they would destroy each other.</p><p>----------------</p><p>Wednesday arrived soon enough and Yunho was working that afternoon. Changmin spent the day practicing guitar, making sure not to slack off too much during winter’sbreak, though it didn’t matter how much he practiced, he felt like he was behind everyone else. The idea of his music having no soul still poignant on his mind, taking turns on his train of thoughts with his musings about Jaejoong and his best friend.</p><p>After practice he took a long shower while wondering what he should take to Jaejoong’s dinner. His parents taught him it was not polite going to someone’s house for the first time empty handed and he caught himself concerned with causing a good impression while visiting the photography student.</p><p>It had to be something to made up for the months and months of indifference and sometimes petty animosity with which he treated the guy walking around his house and making out with his best friend. Something that would show that he actually was enjoying having Jaejoong around and pleased about becoming his friend, something that could convey he was grateful for the invitation to his house to dinner that night.</p><p>Feeling so unsettlingly overwhelmed about something so trivial was silly, and Changmin dragged along his thoughts while blow-drying his hair and getting dressed, missing one of the belt loops on his jeans and having to redo it, putting his black shirt on reverse and then realizing it and fixing, not noticing his socks had each a different brand logo in it and a subtle color difference.</p><p>Clicking his pen and pacing around his desk grunting to himself, he rather not admit just yet that his uncharacteristic behavior of acting as if everything about Jaejoong was a big deal to him was most likely a symptom of a massive crush for the guy. He grabbed his black thick overcoat and headed outside to the supermarket where maybe he could have a good idea looking at the stuff available.</p><p>There, with the place thankfully almost empty of costumers and pleasantly quiet at most, he walked through the aisles like a lost fool till he finally got tired. - <em>Wine! Just wine.</em> – he declared unhesitatingly knowing quite well it was an easy, useful and terribly cliché choice. He got a bottle finally, one more expensive than what he would get to a regular acquaintance or new friend that is, but still just predictably safe wine.</p><p>As he paid for the wine box to the pretty cashier not giving much attention to the flirty and curious tone the girl was using to attend to him, Changmin carried on taking advantage of the simple rationality of his thoughts in the moment to tell himself that Jaejoong was off-limits and that he should be more mature and loyal than acting like a teenager pinning on someone forbidden.</p><p>After checking once again the address he was given Changmin walked some blocks with his box of wine out in the chill but clean weather. He passed by a group of children whining to their mom they wanted to play just for a bit longer, and more ahead by a middle-aged man apparently tired coming back from work with a briefcase in one hand and a small and colorful flower bouquet on the other.</p><p>And then breathing the cold air deeply and so sure of himself and his unwavering logic and resolution Changmin arrived to Jaejoong’s house and knocked on his door, far too earlier than planned for dinner just as the Sun was setting in the horizon.</p>
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